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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After the meeting, I’m feeling a bit better. I head out to grab lunch on the corner of Haharina and Shevchenka. I find this little food truck selling varenyky. I mean, who can resist that? I get a plate, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sitting there, just enjoying life, when I see a bunch of kids playing football in the park. They’re having a blast, and I can’t help but smile.

Oleksandr Slisarenko